Relaxed

I think the hustle and bustle of the holidays and the following exhaustion has finally subsided, and now I’m feeling extra relaxed. Not lazy, but relaxed and peaceful. I just want to curl up with a good book and a cozy blanket. Actually, what I really want to do is go for a walk in the hills, but when I looked out the window and saw how windy it was, I thought about a blanket and book instead.  But, I have plans this evening, and tomorrow I have to take down my Christmas tree. Yeah, yeah, I know. It’s already January 7, but I haven’t been home, and when I have been, I had other things to do. Not only that, but I love my ornaments, and the tree is the only way I can display them, so it doesn’t give me any extra heartburn to leave the tree up. I once left it up until spring. Although that was a flame-retardant fake tree, and this year’s tree was the real deal and it’s looking pretty dry and crusty.

So, I think starting next weekend, I am going to put myself on lockdown. I have a lot of stuff I need to do around the house, and even if I don’t take care of the domestic responsibilities, I can always spend time reading, writing, or crafting. Besides, my bank account can use the break.

This year will bring a lot of changes for me. Among them, is going to be the sale of my house. I’ve decided to sell in late spring or early summer. It’s going to be a huge change for me. Not only have I never lived in an apartment, but I grew up in this house, and this house has been in my family since it was built. This is the house I came home to after I was born, and it’s the house my son came home to after he was born. It’s the house where my father died peacefully in his sleep when he and I were alone, and it’s the place I ran to whenever I needed my grandmother’s comfort.

But, life and growth are about change. My son will be 18 in about two months, and in the summer, I will no longer receive child support. I also will no longer be able to duck or dodge my student loans in  the summer, so basically, the crap is going to hit the fan. Am I freaked out by all of this? Nope, not at all. I would have been 10 years ago, but I know that stressing about it ain’t gonna make it any better. I can either make myself sick with stress, or I can tuck and roll, and do what is within my power. Selling the house and moving into something smaller is within my power. I’ve been wanting to get out of the ghetto for a while now, but the timing wasn’t right, I couldn’t afford it, or I just wasn’t ready. It’s time. Besides, as much as I like being able to do whatever I want in my own home and the somewhat privacy that it offers (realistically, as close as most houses are built, there isn’t a lot of privacy), the truth is, I’m a horrible homeowner. I hate to be bothered with repairs, and while I enjoy gardening, I hate taking care of lawns. A few years ago, I had to have all the gas lines in my house placed. The contractor who did the work didn’t do sheetrock repairs. Fair enough, sheetrock work isn’t that expensive, and it’s not that hard to do, right? Well, guess who still has a huge hole next to her wall heater. The hole extends the entire height of the wall—from floor to ceiling. Yeah, I’m a pretty sucky homeowner. I do, however, love to get busy in the kitchen. The way I see it is that unless I remarry and I marry a man who likes doing home repairs and is okay letting me cook and clean I’m better off being a renter. I’m not saying I’ll never remarry, but I’m certainly not counting on it either. And, the added bonus to being a renter? Now that my son is older, if the wind calls me to some far away location, I’m not tied down to a house.

I’m actually looking forward to living a simpler life, and I’ve always wanted to live downtown. After all, I work downtown, I shop downtown, I dine downtown, and my gym is even downtown. I’ll rarely have to drive, and I can walk most places I go. I’m actually really excited about the whole thing.

The drawback? I have a lot of crap. I mean a lot. Mostly kitchen stuff, books, movies, music, and art and craft supplies. I’m still not sure what I’m going to do with all of it. I know, I could have a yard sale, but I don’t know that the hassle of haggling with folks in the ghetto is worth it. Don’t get me wrong. I have no hard feelings toward anyone living in the hood, but I’ve seen how the people in my neighborhood behave, and except for some of my immediate neighbors, I don’t think that the few bucks I’d earn are worth the headache of dealing with the people who are trying to wheel and deal. I’d rather give the stuff away or donate it.

So, this is 2012, a year of change and a relaxed attitude about it. I almost feel like Peter Gibbons in “Office Space” after he visits the hypnotherapist. Well, I’m not trying to embezzle money from my job, but I’m feeling pretty darn relaxed otherwise.